She opened the windows of her room to let the morning breeze come in. She loved the cool air, because she thought it to be the most natural and most authentic thing left in her life. She lives in a studio room, literally, even smaller than that. The room is hardly 10ft by 5ft, with attached bath. That is all she can afford. It isn’t that she doesn’t like to live in a fully furnished apartment. Air conditioner is very important in Mumbai weather, where the heat and the humidity rules the atmosphere. But a fan is what she can only afford now.
Life in Mumbai is tough. There is whole pool of talent waiting for a chance. And not only that, everyone is trying to use the other and move forward. “That’s life.” Sarah told her, but she refused, because she had a friend in her life, who was not like this.
She thought her friend was special, her best friend, her life partner. They have been together for six years now. Met in school, he was the only boy who talked with her with warmth and affection. No matter, their love grew and within four years, the bond was unbreakable. He had huge ambitions of being an actor, always dreamt of going to Mumbai one day. She used to be very happy with her boyfriend’s ambitions. She also had ambitions but she used to keep them with herself. Partly because, there was no one to listen to it.
She lost her mother before she came in this world. Her mother grew complications while pregnancy which led to her death after her birth. Her father blamed her for her mother’s death. All these years, they never were on talking terms. Her father was a businessman, rich and affluent they were. She had everything in her life, cars, education, clothes everything, except parent love. Many times, she went to her father to talk with him, but either she was driven away or her father heard him with indifferent eyes. Twenty five years gone, and the eyes are still the same, full of hate and indifference.
She remembers the day when she told her father that she was going to Mumbai. Her father was sitting in his study room. When told, he went to his locker, took out two bundles of notes, and gave it to her.
“Here, take this. Twenty thousand rupees for your tickets. Ask for more when you need it. I will send the money in your account.”
“Father, wont you ask me why I am going to Mumbai?”
“Its getting late Sneha. Go to sleep. Best of luck for your trip.”
“Father, will you ever forgive me for my mother’s death?”
There was silence.
Every month, he used to send fifty thousand rupees in her account, and a mail mentioning the same. That was the only connection she had with him. She used the money for some months, then she stopped doing it too.
She came to Mumbai a year back. The only connection in Mumbai was her boyfriend who shifted just an year ago to be an actor. But the Mumbai atmosphere changed him too. He avoided any connection with her since she landed in the airport. She tried to find out the reason of his behavior, but with no success. Only after few months in Mumbai, and some friends in fashion designing course, she realized that Mumbai has all this in store, and she must get used to it.
She had very small group of friends with her. There was Kartik, a Mumbai University passout, and there was Raghav and Sarah, made for each other since school. All four of them hanged out and saw various places, be it Marine Drive, or Juhu Beach, or Band Stand. Thanks to Kartik, they enjoyed the best places and the best foods of Mumbai.
Sneha was very good in her art, because she was always interested in designing clothes, maybe due to her early age rich upbringing. She was best in the group and best in the class. But when the top fashion company arrived in their college to take the best graduates, she lost all her designs. Her group friend, Kartik, stole her designs and grabbed the job. The company took him only while Sneha couldn’t even sit for the interview. Raghav and Sarah were equally devastated. But the result was declared, and they could hardly help Sneha now.
So, today was the last day of her life. The cold breeze was still there to give her the last salute. She took out the sleeping pills, all of them, when the bell rang.
“Sneha, are you there?”
“Sneha, please open the door.”
Sneha heard the voices and went to open the door.
“Guys, wont you even let me die in peace?”
“Leave all this, come here and sit.” Sarah took her hand and made her sit on the sofa. Raghav opened a fashion designing magazine and showed her the advertisement.” She looked to it carefully.
“Guys, this is impossible, the auditions are just a week later and all my designs are stolen. There is no point I can pull this off.”
“A week is more than enough for you, Sneha. We know you will be able to pull this off easily.” Raghav said.
Sarah came near Sneha and said, “Sneha, life is full of problems, all are facing some kind of problems everyday. When you see a person, he is loaded with problems, some of them he can share, some he can’t. But with every morning a new day begins and the night ends giving us the solutions of all the problems of that day. We just have to look into the opportunities and grab them. Ending the life is easy, but it needs more guts to live it. You know your abilities, we know your abilities. Just give it a try.”
“Yes, and if the outcome is again negative, then you can surely end your life.”
“Shut up Raghav.”
……………………………………………
Sneha decided to take the chance that day, maybe for her dream, she thought that her suicide could wait. And it always waited.
Life is only one, ending it is not bravery, living it is.
